On April 10, 2009 our lives were forever changed. We lost our seventeen year old son John to suicide. His tragic death turned our lives upside down and there just were not words to express just how lost we were after his death. We mourned our loss of the times we shared with him and the many great family memories we hold dear to our hearts.
As the first Christmas approached, I remember hearing this song, Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls. If sort of captured how I felt in the first year. The chorus goes:
And you asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
‘Cause I don’t need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
The words of this song just resonated with me. At the time, I was lost in my grief and all we were looking for that year was a sense of peace. There was nothing that I wanted or needed, other than to find better days.
There just aren’t words to describe how you feel deep inside after you lose a child to suicide. The loss is eternal. But it really comes down to each person to decide how they will deal with the loss and find a vision towards how they can find a new path forward.
Flash forward thirteen years and we have found a sense of inner peace. We found that peace together and with our family and friends. We have found that sense of peace leading a suicide loss support group with other loss survivors. Our healing and our future came one small step at a time.
We started to travel again and we were drawn to warm sunny climates each winter and spring. The beaches and the sunshine slowly warmed our souls. We remembered how to laugh and sing again. We managed to find a new vacation song that we have sung at just about every location that we have visited. We began to think slowly about what our future might hold.
With retirement just around the corner, we have begun discussing what we want to do with the free time we will have . One of the ideas that came up was to buy a yacht and explore the Bahamas and the Florida Keys. We have always found a sense of peace and happiness as we have traveled here in the past. The difference is that instead of staying at hotels for a week at a time, we would live on a yacht for longer periods of time. We would visit the islands and keys in this area with no time schedule and you rush to get to the next place. We would begin to really explore what this new and exciting future will hold for us.
So we discussed what name we would give the yacht (before we even buy it) and it just seemed like “Better Days” is the right name for us. We have dreamed of having better days in the future, and leaving some of the grief and loss behind us. Naming our new yacht “Better Days” just seemed like the perfect sense of remembering the better days we had before the loss of our son and having hope for the better days to come in our future.
Now we just have to go find a yacht that we can afford and learn how to live on it before retirement begins. Our hope is that we can find a yacht big enough so that our family and friends can join us aboard the “Better Days” as we get our toes wet across the Florida Keys and the Bahamas. And you better practice singing Sweet Caroline, we plan on playing it each time we drop anchor somewhere new!
Stay tuned and join us as we explore what Better Days can really be.
Better Day
by the Goo Goo Dolls
And you asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
‘Cause I don’t need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
So take these words and sing out loud
‘Cause everyone is forgiven now
‘Cause tonight’s the night the world begins again
I need some place simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And that’s faith and trust and peace while we’re alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there’s ten million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these words and sing out loud
‘Cause everyone is forgiven now
‘Cause tonight’s the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
So take these words and sing out loud
‘Cause everyone is forgiven now
‘Cause tonight’s the night the world begins again
‘Cause tonight’s the night the world begins again